We often attempt to find new sources of solace whilst lost in life. Whether they take a more physical approach, as a quiet room or personal fort; or if it occupies your mind through listening to that one album on repeat, or watching that movie for the fifth time this week; I think we go through periods of our life where we need our minds occupied, to get things together–to put everything into perspective–ultimately to sort our shit out.
If you hadn’t worked it out already: this is a narcissistic post.
I’ve found that as my responsibilities have faltered and decayed over this past year I have been engulfed by an overwhelming sense of freedom and immaturity. Inadvertently becoming careless to most things in life; money, jobs, relationships–throwing caution to the wind, if you will. As the clock strikes twelve once more and but a few responsibilities begin to pile up on me, I have naught but feelings of dread and panic, wanting nothing else but to abandon ship.
Obviously this kind of thinking is fundamentally self-sabotage. You are your own worst enemy though, right?
This inevitably results in hiding away in my own little corner of the universe; the aforementioned mind-occupiers. As a result: delving into the ’80s this week has been really enjoyable. I honestly couldn’t tell you how many times i have watched “The Lost Boys”. Whether I kept going back for the excellent soundtrack, or the prospect and aspiration of living for eternity and feeding on helpless humans–i’ll never know. Regardless it’s fantastic.
On top of trying to bury my head in the past–and this is a huge self-diagnosis–I have been trying to to reclaim my childhood from the fray that is my ever-burning youth and innocence. Hiding my eyes within books of fantasy and video games gets me through the day far quicker than you or I would imagine. And, despite being a growing misanthropist, the tale of a person–be it Link or Frodo–venturing forth to save the world for no gain of their own is so utterly endearing to me that, for some reason, it makes me wonder which side of the fence the people around me would be on if some great new power were to arise. Would you be a Kaneda, or a Tetsuo?
Because, let me tell you, Tetsuo had something right. I don’t know what, but that guy was going places. Before the mutation. Obviously.